Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Matthew 6:26 (NIV)
Hey, the name is Harmony and I pretty much am sinking into a dark hole that is no longer reality. I built this world for myself, full of lust, fantasy, and experience. There was nothing that could ever stop the ambition I had to take over that city. To become the number one poet, the speaker of truths, the one that escaped that tiny town, the one that proved her worth! One rich fool at time, and my artistic imprint was on the rise. Until the world shut down that is, just completely turned upside down and destroyed the world that I called home. My little kingdom that only revolved on what is next and how to accomplish this.
People are sick, people are dying, my outlets are put on hold, and I’m brought back to where it all it began. In this tiny town, where we know everyones business, and my lifestyle is not welcome. I’ve shared my experiences with a few, but there is no way they could ever understand. What it is like to feel like I have complete control. To run the show so well, that even I believed the nonsense. I needed the wild behavior, it’s how I kept it all in check. How I removed the anxiety from the front line, how I pushed the confidence to the winners prime.
Yet, here I am. Laying in my parents garden with crippling anxiety. Having only this poetry book to resemble the life I once lived. Not knowing if every choice was wrong, or just a lesson I needed all along. Maybe I screwed it all up and deserve every ounce of confusion and shame that pumps through my veins. I wake up in worry, I live in worry, I fall asleep praying for a break.
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?
Matthew 27-30. (NIV)
Funny really. The word faith - like what does that even mean? I have faith. Faith in human kind. Faith that not all living beings are nasty to each other. Faith that one day i'll make it through this season of my life. I mean. Come on. I grew up knowing God, taught to pray when I need him. How to treat thy neighbors like I should.
Then how did I end here? God? How did you let this happen to me? Be laying here, far away from what I had built, far away from the sickness that has spilt. The tears I feel are warm and salty. The fear I have has brought me to being faulty.
I thought children of God wouldn’t have to deal with pain like this. Does it not say somewhere in the bible about God not giving us too much to handle? Well I have to tell you, this is just too much, my heart is heavy, and I do not like who I am today. My past self would laugh at me and call me pathetic. As she watched me grovel in feeling any emotion towards the morality of my behavior. That’s okay though, because she isn’t here anymore. I left her behind in order to seek the answers.
My eyes are heavy as the warm sun lays on me like a soft blanket. My mind begins to drift, to the place where I no longer control the thoughts. The wind blows softly and the gentle hum puts my brain into a deep sleep.
Harmony sleeps as the world around her still exists. Her book falls to her side and a crackle sound comes from the distance. This sound does not wake Harmony, instead she slips farther into her dreams. A magical and mysterious black cloaked figure appears in the forrest that connects to the garden. As the cloak moves closer to Harmony, the legs peek through the cloak. They are soft, milky, and hairless. Leaving the forrest, their bare toes break the twigs with a delicate force. With a quick flash, the figure snatches Harmony’s book and runs back into the forrest. Disappearing as quick as they appeared. Harmony lays sleeping, unaware of what is in store for her next.
Thank you so much for reading!!
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